Your spouse doesn’t want a kid yet. To be completely honest, you’re not even sure if you want one either. But you both like risk. Everyone likes risk. It’s addictive.

You hear about our product through a close friend. They tried it, and now they have two week old twins named Lewis and Clark, and they’re happier than they’ve ever been.

What’s the worst that could happen? Your curiosity gets the best of you and you visit our website.

It’s very well-designed and lists all of our different contraceptive options, each with a fail rate that corresponds with your percent desire to bear a child to term and raise it for eighteen years. Hmm. Does 1% of you want a kid? Or 5%? How about 10%? What if you really want a kid but you’re scared? You sound like an eighty five percenter.

The options are endless. Condoms guaranteed to burst 15% of the time. Pills, but every fourth one is an Advil. Packaging that says the percentage your spouse agreed to (3%) but carries entirely different odds, something more along the lines of what you want (50%) because all he does is have sex with you and then you have to endure nine months of pain and bodily strain so fuck his opinion. You want a kid. Kind of. Enough to flip a coin for it.

It’s brilliant. I’m amazed this concept hasn’t been pitched on Shark Tank yet.

Which means you should probably do it. And Venmo me. Just for kicks. And because if you don’t, the next product you’ll make is a GoFundMe to pay for your $300,000 of litigation fees.  

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