Taking the trash out sucks – wiggling a heavy, sometimes dripping bag out of a stuffed can, tying it shut, dragging it to the street, replacing it with one that isn’t exactly the right size for the container so you have to either stretch it or tie it off to make it fit, and then repeating this entire process five or six times every fucking week…it’s miserable. And completely unnecessary.
Introducing the newest Terrible But Kind of Good Business Idea: a sewage system, but for trash. That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. An infinite trash chute directly connected to the nearest landfill via a complex tubing system that someone other than me figured out how to create. Imagine a world with no trash bags – a world in which, when you were done with your bag of pretzels, you opened a drawer in your kitchen, tossed in the trash, pressed a button, and watched it get whisked away in less than a second.
This is a fundamental infrastructure creation of the future. Anyone who imagines the world in 200 years should envision this as one of those things people take completely for granted because of how universal it is and how no one could imagine life without it – it’s the future’s version of sewage systems.
Imagine how the first guy with a flushable toilet felt.
“So I just…I put my pee pee in this…and it goes away? Automatically?”
That’s right. Trash cans today are what outhouses were 300 years ago. We won’t be needing them for much longer because someone is about to innovate a tubing system for garbage, and they’re going to Venmo me a portion for being the visionary who read the future for them. And if they don’t, I’m going to use my vision to find the future’s version of Robert Kardashian and sue them out of existence.
Thanks for reading!