Picture this: it’s 2021. Midnight. On a…Tuesday. Yeah. You’re in bed, about to fall asleep, scrolling through Twitter. Every fourth tweet is about a new restaurant chain reportedly bringing in millions of dollars of revenue every fiscal quarter, and you see a post that catches your eye. It’s a statistic.

According to this tweet, 85% of all bachelorette parties now feature dinner at one of these restaurants with an included lap dance for the bride from a Magic Mike looking waiter. It’s their version of a happy birthday song.

What’s this place called? Booters. It’s the male waiter version of Hooters. They’re popping up in every major shopping center around the nation, and it’s taking the country by storm. How did this happen?

It was because of a little phenomenon called an untapped market. Men and women, according to science (probably – I don’t know for sure) experience the same amount of sexual desire. However, since the beginning of time, this 50/50 desire ratio hasn’t been proportional to the content ratio.

Back to 2019. You’re driving on the highway. Boom. Strip club billboard. Boom. Gentlemen’s club billboard. Boom. X-rated video store billboard. All featuring women.

You’re watching movie trailers. Boom. Cleavage. Boom. Girl in a swimsuit. Boom. Natalie Portman.

You’re bumming it in front of a TV on a Saturday, consuming college football. Boom. Commercial break. Boom. Go Daddy. Boom. Progressive girl. Boom. Another commercial with attractive women that isn’t coming to mind right now. Where are all the hot men?

The ratio of sexualization in our society is totally fucked, and it’s because of lingering and outdated social norms. Women are sexualized all the time, but men aren’t. It’s time to change that.

This is a step toward equality. A civil rights movement for the 21st century. Booters: the sexualization of men.

There’s so much potential. Hooters, if you’re reading this, it’s time to branch out. Let’s work together to create a brighter future. Women deserve equality, and you’re not providing it. Give women a place to drool over men, the same way you gave men a place to drool over women. It’s not that hard. Sexualization isn’t a one way street. You guys are excluding 50% of the world’s population and it’s kind of a dick move.

So take this one all the way to the bank, but stop at my house first or I’ll sue your ass hiring company into another dimension, but one that still has Venmo so you still have to fucking pay me. Let’s get this one going!

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