It’s Friday night. You’re chilling with a friend in his living room and ESPN is blaring through his TV speakers. Right now it’s Joe Rogan’s voice, announcing the participants in a fight scheduled to begin in less than five minutes.

“Ladies and gentlemen, tonight we have a special treat for you – the prison fight of the century. In one corner of the octagon, we have Jared from Subway, former sandwich spokesman turned pedophile here in an attempt to reduce his fifteen year sentence to thirteen years. Up against him is a man you might know from his hit song ‘Murder on My Mind,’ a highly incriminating rap about an actual murder he actually committed. That’s not a joke, ladies and gentlemen. He produced a song about a real murder and was surprised when it was used against him as evidence in court. You can’t make this stuff up. Here he is now, walking to the cage: YNW Melly, musician turned double murderer.”

Okay. I just re-read that and it sounds so sick. I’d pay-per-view that shit and I didn’t even pay for the McGregor-Mayweather fight because I was too cheap. Jared from Subway getting his ass kicked by a rapper who shot two people? Absolutely iconic.

The potential revenue this idea is capable of generating is unimaginable. UFC, the epitome of cage fighting, pulled in $600 million in 2018 – prisoner gladiator fights could double that. Easily. I’m talking a cool $1.2 billion.

Obviously there are hitches in this plan. That’s why it’s “Terrible But Kind of Good.” Would the public be okay with letting a child molester off easy because he won a fight against another criminal? Probably not. Would the judicial system be willing to amend itself to allow the televising of incredibly inhumane, unjust activities all for the purpose of turning a profit? Not a chance.

But maybe.

So someone with more power and influence than me needs to take this one to the top. That’s the only way it would work. And remember me when you get there! Don’t forget, 1% of profits every year for the next 25 years or the next person in the ring is you!

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