prostitution – a phenomenon in which people exchange their clout for money.
Huge market. Largely untapped.
Picture this. You’re in New York
City. You know who else is in New York City? An assload of celebrities. Our
recently developed app has just been released and you have a beta version downloaded
on your phone. What better place to give it a trial run?
The format is identical to Bumble, but with a few behind the scenes modifications. You still select range in miles and a few other matching factors, but on top of that, you place yourself in a price bracket. The options range from $10 to $100,000, and each celebrity registered with the app gets assigned to a bracket based on their popularity (determined by our algorithm).
On the bracket selecting page, each
option includes a picture of an example celebrity alongside the price.
Beginner’s Bracket ($10 or less):
Jaylen Hands, the #56 pick in the 2020 NBA draft
Bracket Two: ($10-25): Erik Per
Sullivan, the kid who played Dewey in Malcolm in the Middle
Bracket Three: ($25-50): Jesse
McCartney, an American singer
Bracket Four ($50-$100): Matt
Leblanc, Joey from Friends
Bracket Five ($100-$250): Chadwick
Boseman, an American actor
Bracket Six ($250-$500): Miley Cyrus,
an American singer
Bracket Seven ($500-$1,000): Russell
Wilson, the starting quarterback for the Seattle Seahawks
Advanced Bracket ($1,000-$10,000): James
Harden, an NBA basketball star
Super Advanced Bracket
($10,000-$100,000): Beyoncé, an American singer
This is your first time using the
app so you defer to the beginner’s bracket for your trial run. A loading icon pulses
across the screen and then…boom, you’re face to face with Ricco, an American
Tik Tok star. The price listed is $7.50, but you don’t recognize him so you
swipe left. The next D-list celebrity to pop up is Kirk Minihane, host of a
Barstool podcast. $9.
You kind of like his show but
mostly you just want to see how the app works, so you swipe right – and it’s a
match! An odd wave of empathy and sadness washes over you, but before you can process
it a timer starts in the top right corner of the screen. You have one hour to
figure out the logistics of meeting this guy for a picture or you automatically
“Hey,” you type, “I can meet in
Times Square any time in the next hour if that works for you!”
Three dots pop up to indicate he’s
“Sure, that’s fine. I’m actually at
the Starbucks right now.”
Fast forward to after the picture
is taken. You shake Kirk’s hand, walk away, and open our currently unnamed app.
Kirk has already marked your meet-up as “Picture Taken,” and you do the same.
Your registered credit or debit card is charged $9, most of which goes directly
to Kirk, minus the small processing fee taken by the app, and a review page
pops up: “How was your meeting with Kirk Minihane?” Five stars! This app fucking
You can only assume Kirk got the
same review option for you, and you hope he rates you well. To qualify for brackets
of more than $100, you have to have an average rating of at least 4.6 stars and
ten completed celebrity meetings. Imagine entering the $10,000-$100,000 bracket
just to see what your options are!
I see a lot of potential in this app, which is why I’d like to be involved in the creation of it with any app developer who thinks they’re capable of the task. So shoot me a message and we can get cooking in the science coding app computer technology lab!